Empathy

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empathy or "being heard and understood"

An important fact about communication is that under stressful situations, we often can't hear much of what's going on with another until we feel the other has heard and understood us. 

But when we really feel that the other has heard and understands what we want or need, then we relax and can hear what's important to them too.

In a conflict if one person is upset and the other isn't, then it's usually easy for the non-upset one to listen and let the other one feel understood.

But if both people are very upset, then both want to be understood and can't hear what the other is saying. 

So if we are both upset how do we get around this need to be heard and understood before we can hear the other? The answer is to find our own inner source of understanding that is not dependant on the other, what Marshall calls "Empathy for Oneself" or "Compassion For Oneself."

Empathy For Oneself is simply a term for an inner calmness and centeredness, even if just a little bit, which allows us to see and hear the other clearly even when we have strong feelings inside. Those who have this skill are well respected, since it is a skill that not everyone has developed. But it is a skill which can be cultivated once one is aware of it and see's the usefulness in making ones life happier as well as making life more wonderful for all those around us.