Observations

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observations

The ability to keep observation and evaluation separate is the highest form of human intelligence. -Jiddhu Krishnamurti

Some common types of evaluations:    
    Judgements
    Analysis
    Interpretations
    Labels
    Projections

It's a simple fact that we all tend to habitually and automatically evaluate and interpret whatever we observe. This probably had survival benefits in the jungle by helping us predict what might be running after us on the trail. But when we are in non-threatening situations this "skill" of evaluating, interpreting and imagining often doesn't serve us at all - instead it adds unfortunate, even poisonous meanings to what we observe, . We often add information that is not actually there, usually by reaching into our past for similar situations, and then we can imagine that someone is saying something or meaning something that they are not. This is also the process that causes worry - our uncontrollable imagining that undesireable things will occur. These imaginings and projections are one of the main causes of conflicts.

Most humans are not conscious of this process within themselves. When we see or hear something, instead of just noticing it for what it is, we often react - we worry about the implications of it by creating dire scenarios in our mind and then getting upset with them; we project out what we think the other person is "really" doing or meaning and then we get angry about what we think; we go into our past to similar situations, but of course bad ones, and decide that "we've seen this before" and then judge what we are observing as bad. There are endless ways we use our mind to add more than what is really there - and then to get upset about it. And to boot, we hold on dearly to what we imagine too, as though this creation of our mind is absolutely true, and we rarely think to verify it before we pronounce our judgement! We are very skilled at finding ways to get upset.

So the first skill in Compassionate Communication is to develop the more advanced skill of being aware of what we are observing and how we are adding our own extra content: our imaginations, worries, projections - and interpreting, analysing, or labeling it. We simply want to bring this process into consciousness so that we can check to see if our thoughts about what we are observing is indeed correct or if we need to adjust it. 

The simplest way to experience this is to imagine that you are a video camera. If there was an argument going on between two people, a video camera would report exactly what they said, and how loudly, and with what facial expressions. But it would not interpret it and say, "These two people fighting, and they are fighting because one of them is an idiot and the other is acting like a victim." Only humans would try to add that extra content, and interpret it that way - and then start an argument about whether it is true or not. So let's practice for a bit being a video camera and see if we can just report the facts.